Ms D

My new patient, Ms D, was looking for a person to help her do crafts. I thought this sounded very appealing so I raised my hand to volunteer to visit weekly and to help her do crafts. She lived about 30 miles from me, in a house with one of her daughters. I think I knew the moment I laid eyes on her that we were going to be great friends!

She was short like me and heavy like me. Even her glasses were similar in style to mine. I hugged her the moment I met her. I told her we were going to be great friends. She reminded me so much of myself...she had a disease that didn't show physically on her body just like I do. In fact, after my first visit I went to the Hospice coordinator and double checked to see if someone had made a mistake...was she really going to die? No way, I thought, she is too healthy.

On our first visit I wanted to get to know her and to see what she wanted to do in our time together. She took me into her bedroom, which was absolutely beautiful. It was pink and white, done in roses. Most of the things in her room had been made by her or crafted by her in one way or another. The lamp shades had pink and white fabric yoyo's glued around the edges, some with crystals or beads hanging in a dainty fashion. She had little displays of old and new things, beads & figurines from her mother, plants from her son. There was so much to look at in her room that I barely noticed the hospital bed that stood in the middle floor. The bed was also covered with handmade items and roses. She had life size baby dolls sitting on her neatly made bed. She told me their names and spoke tenderly as she introduced them to me.

She asked me to sit on the bed and she sat in her chair. She showed me her latest project. It was a bulletin board covered in a whimsical fabric with matching fabric yoyo's glued to the frame. It was like looking at a page out of a scrapbook. Absolutely amazing! It seemed as though there were endless projects that she had done, each more amazing than the last. I was wondering what I could do to even help this amazing woman. What did I have to bring to the table?

She wanted to learn how to use iron on fabric transfers. I cut one out and ironed it on a piece of material for her. She was thrilled. Such a simple thing for me and so easy to do compared to the things she had already done. We laughed and talked for
2 1/2 hrs even though I had only planned on spending an hour with her. We were just having so much fun. I listened to her needs and felt like I was listening to a women running in circles...I asked her stop and breathe. I told we would work together and get things done. I drew up a plan for her to work on in bed for the week. I would sew the pieces together on my next visit. Sadly my day with her had come to an end. I hugged her and then I hugged her daughter too. We made plans to meet the next week. Ms D told me she had prayed that whoever Hospice sent to her, that she wanted it to be someone she could relate to and be friends with. She felt like she had gotten her prayers answered. I felt like I was blessed to be matched to her.

I left still thinking about all of the crafts she had shown me and things were going to do together. I found myself on eBay buying handmade yoyo's to do my own craft boards! She would certainly get a good laugh out of this when I told her. I just hoped we weren't bidding against each other!

Before I left that day, Ms D had asked me if I would take her for a ride someday. I told I would love to. I had a Corvette and I asked her if she would like to ride in it. She was going to check with her nurse to see if we could go for a ride. Why maybe we could even go to Steak N Shake for a coke date one afternoon. She had been having seizures so we needed to be sure everything was clear for her to ride with me. I could just imagine the two of us with our hair blowing in the breeze enjoying our ride. I left with a smile on face that day!



Visit 2

Weds at 10:00 I was ringing the doorbell and Ms D answered the door herself. She was dressed in a pink skirt (always in a skirt) and a pink top to match. Her hair was pulled back into a pony tail and she looked radiant indeed. We hugged each other like we were long lost sisters. Our hugs were deep and loving, I meant it and so did she. We started jabbering right away. We picked fabric for a pillow meant for a family member. Between the two of us we came up with lots of great ideas. It was like we had known each other all of our lives. Her daughter felt safe with me for the first time and asked if she could leave to run a few errands while I was there. I felt honored that she trusted me. We all felt good about her leaving.

I went into the sewing room to sew a pillow we had been working on together. Ms D sat on the floor in the other room next to her trunk of fabric. She sorted through it while I sewed in the other room. When I came back into the room she had leaned her head back and dozed off. At first my heart skipped a beat...was she dead? I quietly sat on the sofa and watched her as she breathed. She looked like a child with her toys spilled out around her. She is such an amazing woman, so thoughtful of others. She must have sensed my presence because she opened her eyes and apologized to me for nodding off. I laughed and joined her on the floor. We sat amongst the beautiful pieces of fabrics as she told me stories of each piece. She had lace that had been on her grandmothers tablecloth and many things that were precious to her. She told me of gifts she wanted to make for her family and friends. She had a special pillow she wanted to make for her Hospice nurse in shades of pink.

I sat listening to her and heard the urgency in her voice. I tried to steer her in a different direction. I made up a plan for her. I got a piece of paper and drew a line down the middle. On one side I wrote NAME and on the other WHAT, for what she want to make. I asked her if this week she would she make a list for me of who she wanted to make something for and what we should make for them. She thought it was a wonderful idea. I could almost see the relief in her face. We had a plan of action and together we would get it done!!

I also asked her to tape a message to her grandchildren just 10 minutes a day devoted to the littlest ones in her family so they would know her voice. I told her to tell the story of the first time she ever met them. Did she hold them close and kiss their sweet little cheeks. Tell them anything, I told her, it will mean so very, very much. These were the assignments I left her with that day...make a list and talk to your babies.

We spent time talking about her illness her impending death. She was a peace with dying but the waiting was very hard. She told me that she almost died a year ago. Her family surrounded her bed and told her goodbye, but something happened...she didn't die. She told me she knew she had purpose in life. She felt that God wanted her to pass his message to others. She told me she felt a burning need to talk to a family member. She was able to spend the day with that family member last week. The day didn't begin with talking as you might imagine. She told me they had been watching TV together, while she was babysitting. After awhile, Ms D, turned to her and told her that she had something to tell her. She told her what had been on her mind and her family member began to cry. She said you don't know how much I needed to hear what you had to say. I think Ms D felt like she had done what she was supposed to do.

I had been sitting on the floor for along time with her when I realized I hadn't shown her the pillow I made for her. She was so excited. It was such a simple thing for me. She showed her daughter and looked so pleased at the result. I left one end open so she could work on it in her bed to embellish it with her handiwork. That would put her final stamp on the pillow. I saw some material that she had sorted through in a pile. I asked her if I could take it home to make an apron for her. I would do the cutting and sewing then she could embellish it next week when I came for my next visit. She reluctantly let me take after I assured her I would return it as a finished project.

She took me back to her room to show me what she had bought for herself. Her birthday was coming up in a few days and someone had sent her some money. Her daughter took her to the local fabric store to buy more material. She showed me each piece and shared her dreams of what the piece would become. She was like a little girl. I convinced her that it was time for me to leave and time for her to rest. I told her of the importance of rest to keep her healthy as long as possible.

I promised her when I returned next week I would bring something to help make our projects easier. We were both excited of our future endeavors. I hugged Ms D tight as I got ready to leave. What a great time we would have together!! She was like a little sister that I never had. When I left I headed directly to the fabric store and bought fun things for us to make together. I went out and bought her a lap tray with a light so she could use in bed for her projects. I went home and wrapped it, so I could give her a birthday gift. I really felt good.

Today I received a phone call from Hospice, my coordinator called to tell me one of my patients had passed away over the weekend. I knew it was Ms A, she was failing every time I visited her, but no I was wrong. It was my dear sweet friend, my little sis, my sweet Ms D. I was shocked. My mind raced I heard her voice continue to talk on the phone but my mind was screaming noooooooooooooooo!

I hung up and sat there trying to take in what I had just heard. How can this be? She was so healthy, so alive, so much to do, my new friend....gone. I wasn't done spending time with her, I hadn't finished my projects, her birthday present sat wrapped in my room....how can this be?

I left the room to take my shower, I cried for her, for me. I felt so undone. How can I be so attached after only 2 visits? I don't know the answers but I do know this...I touched her and her daughter...I did my job. I helped her, I listened, I planned, I laughed...I did my job. I will do it again for someone new but she is my first loss and I miss her.

I plan to make that apron for her daughter. It will be the best apron anyone has ever made because Ms D would have wanted it to be perfect, so I will make it perfect. I will embroider on the front in big red letters...IN THE ARMS OF MY MOTHER.

I will miss you my friend...I know you are in the arms of an angel.