My new patient, Ms D, was looking for a person to help her do crafts. I thought this sounded very appealing so I raised my hand to volunteer to visit weekly and to help her do crafts. She lived about 30 miles from me, in a house with one of her daughters. I think I knew the moment I laid eyes on her that we were going to be great friends!
She was short like me and heavy like me. Even her glasses were similar in style to mine. I hugged her the moment I met her. I told her we were going to be great friends. She reminded me so much of myself...she had a disease that didn't show physically on her body just like I do. In fact, after my first visit I went to the Hospice coordinator and double checked to see if someone had made a mistake...was she really going to die? No way, I thought, she is too healthy.
On our first visit I wanted to get to know her and to see what she wanted to do in our time together. She took me into her bedroom, which was absolutely beautiful. It was pink and white, done in roses. Most of the things in her room had been made by her or crafted by her in one way or another. The lamp shades had pink and white fabric yoyo's glued around the edges, some with crystals or beads hanging in a dainty fashion. She had little displays of old and new things, beads & figurines from her mother, plants from her son. There was so much to look at in her room that I barely noticed the hospital bed that stood in the middle floor. The bed was also covered with handmade items and roses. She had life size baby dolls sitting on her neatly made bed. She told me their names and spoke tenderly as she introduced them to me.
She asked me to sit on the bed and she sat in her chair. She showed me her latest project. It was a bulletin board covered in a whimsical fabric with matching fabric yoyo's glued to the frame. It was like looking at a page out of a scrapbook. Absolutely amazing! It seemed as though there were endless projects that she had done, each more amazing than the last. I was wondering what I could do to even help this amazing woman. What did I have to bring to the table?
She wanted to learn how to use iron on fabric transfers. I cut one out and ironed it on a piece of material for her. She was thrilled. Such a simple thing for me and so easy to do compared to the things she had already done. We laughed and talked for
2 1/2 hrs even though I had only planned on spending an hour with her. We were just having so much fun. I listened to her needs and felt like I was listening to a women running in circles...I asked her stop and breathe. I told we would work together and get things done. I drew up a plan for her to work on in bed for the week. I would sew the pieces together on my next visit. Sadly my day with her had come to an end. I hugged her and then I hugged her daughter too. We made plans to meet the next week. Ms D told me she had prayed that whoever Hospice sent to her, that she wanted it to be someone she could relate to and be friends with. She felt like she had gotten her prayers answered. I felt like I was blessed to be matched to her.
I left still thinking about all of the crafts she had shown me and things were going to do together. I found myself on eBay buying handmade yoyo's to do my own craft boards! She would certainly get a good laugh out of this when I told her. I just hoped we weren't bidding against each other!
Before I left that day, Ms D had asked me if I would take her for a ride someday. I told I would love to. I had a Corvette and I asked her if she would like to ride in it. She was going to check with her nurse to see if we could go for a ride. Why maybe we could even go to Steak N Shake for a coke date one afternoon. She had been having seizures so we needed to be sure everything was clear for her to ride with me. I could just imagine the two of us with our hair blowing in the breeze enjoying our ride. I left with a smile on face that day!
Visit 2
Weds at 10:00 I was ringing the doorbell and Ms D answered the door herself. She was dressed in a pink skirt (always in a skirt) and a pink top to match. Her hair was pulled back into a pony tail and she looked radiant indeed. We hugged each other like we were long lost sisters. Our hugs were deep and loving, I meant it and so did she. We started jabbering right away. We picked fabric for a pillow meant for a family member. Between the two of us we came up with lots of great ideas. It was like we had known each other all of our lives. Her daughter felt safe with me for the first time and asked if she could leave to run a few errands while I was there. I felt honored that she trusted me. We all felt good about her leaving.
I went into the sewing room to sew a pillow we had been working on together. Ms D sat on the floor in the other room next to her trunk of fabric. She sorted through it while I sewed in the other room. When I came back into the room she had leaned her head back and dozed off. At first my heart skipped a beat...was she dead? I quietly sat on the sofa and watched her as she breathed. She looked like a child with her toys spilled out around her. She is such an amazing woman, so thoughtful of others. She must have sensed my presence because she opened her eyes and apologized to me for nodding off. I laughed and joined her on the floor. We sat amongst the beautiful pieces of fabrics as she told me stories of each piece. She had lace that had been on her grandmothers tablecloth and many things that were precious to her. She told me of gifts she wanted to make for her family and friends. She had a special pillow she wanted to make for her Hospice nurse in shades of pink.
I sat listening to her and heard the urgency in her voice. I tried to steer her in a different direction. I made up a plan for her. I got a piece of paper and drew a line down the middle. On one side I wrote NAME and on the other WHAT, for what she want to make. I asked her if this week she would she make a list for me of who she wanted to make something for and what we should make for them. She thought it was a wonderful idea. I could almost see the relief in her face. We had a plan of action and together we would get it done!!
I also asked her to tape a message to her grandchildren just 10 minutes a day devoted to the littlest ones in her family so they would know her voice. I told her to tell the story of the first time she ever met them. Did she hold them close and kiss their sweet little cheeks. Tell them anything, I told her, it will mean so very, very much. These were the assignments I left her with that day...make a list and talk to your babies.
We spent time talking about her illness her impending death. She was a peace with dying but the waiting was very hard. She told me that she almost died a year ago. Her family surrounded her bed and told her goodbye, but something happened...she didn't die. She told me she knew she had purpose in life. She felt that God wanted her to pass his message to others. She told me she felt a burning need to talk to a family member. She was able to spend the day with that family member last week. The day didn't begin with talking as you might imagine. She told me they had been watching TV together, while she was babysitting. After awhile, Ms D, turned to her and told her that she had something to tell her. She told her what had been on her mind and her family member began to cry. She said you don't know how much I needed to hear what you had to say. I think Ms D felt like she had done what she was supposed to do.
I had been sitting on the floor for along time with her when I realized I hadn't shown her the pillow I made for her. She was so excited. It was such a simple thing for me. She showed her daughter and looked so pleased at the result. I left one end open so she could work on it in her bed to embellish it with her handiwork. That would put her final stamp on the pillow. I saw some material that she had sorted through in a pile. I asked her if I could take it home to make an apron for her. I would do the cutting and sewing then she could embellish it next week when I came for my next visit. She reluctantly let me take after I assured her I would return it as a finished project.
She took me back to her room to show me what she had bought for herself. Her birthday was coming up in a few days and someone had sent her some money. Her daughter took her to the local fabric store to buy more material. She showed me each piece and shared her dreams of what the piece would become. She was like a little girl. I convinced her that it was time for me to leave and time for her to rest. I told her of the importance of rest to keep her healthy as long as possible.
I promised her when I returned next week I would bring something to help make our projects easier. We were both excited of our future endeavors. I hugged Ms D tight as I got ready to leave. What a great time we would have together!! She was like a little sister that I never had. When I left I headed directly to the fabric store and bought fun things for us to make together. I went out and bought her a lap tray with a light so she could use in bed for her projects. I went home and wrapped it, so I could give her a birthday gift. I really felt good.
Today I received a phone call from Hospice, my coordinator called to tell me one of my patients had passed away over the weekend. I knew it was Ms A, she was failing every time I visited her, but no I was wrong. It was my dear sweet friend, my little sis, my sweet Ms D. I was shocked. My mind raced I heard her voice continue to talk on the phone but my mind was screaming noooooooooooooooo!
I hung up and sat there trying to take in what I had just heard. How can this be? She was so healthy, so alive, so much to do, my new friend....gone. I wasn't done spending time with her, I hadn't finished my projects, her birthday present sat wrapped in my room....how can this be?
I left the room to take my shower, I cried for her, for me. I felt so undone. How can I be so attached after only 2 visits? I don't know the answers but I do know this...I touched her and her daughter...I did my job. I helped her, I listened, I planned, I laughed...I did my job. I will do it again for someone new but she is my first loss and I miss her.
I plan to make that apron for her daughter. It will be the best apron anyone has ever made because Ms D would have wanted it to be perfect, so I will make it perfect. I will embroider on the front in big red letters...IN THE ARMS OF MY MOTHER.
I will miss you my friend...I know you are in the arms of an angel.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Ms A visit 2
I was able to visit with Ms A again because the other Hospice worker was unable to leave one of her family members alone. My visit was much like the first. Ms A didn't really speak much but I do think she remembered me. I kissed her forehead when I came in and greeted her by calling her by her name. I visited with her husband for a little bit before he left to run errands. Ms A didn't want him to leave once again but I think she might have felt a little more relief knowing that I wasn't a stranger. I sat and talked with her which isn't easy. I talked about my family and asked questions about hers. She seemed a bit more talkative but it is a struggle for her to talk.
The bath nurse came and that helped to take up some of the time. I feel like I am out of place when I am there because she can't communicate with me in the way I want. I don't feel like I make a difference in her life. My job in this case is to provide relief for her husband. He feels secure in knowing that his wife is safe with me. She asked for him many times wanting to know when he was coming back. I would tell her and ten minutes later she would ask me again. Then she apologized for asking the same thing over and over. I told her it was okay I ask the same things over and over also.
She isn't eating anymore only drinking water. Each week I expect to get a call saying she is no longer with us. But she keeps hanging in there even though she doesn't want to live anymore.
She is waiting for her angels but her time hasn't come yet.
I won't be sitting with her anymore because Suzanne will now be able to take the weekly visits with her. I hope her time comes quickly and her husband can continue on without her.
The bath nurse came and that helped to take up some of the time. I feel like I am out of place when I am there because she can't communicate with me in the way I want. I don't feel like I make a difference in her life. My job in this case is to provide relief for her husband. He feels secure in knowing that his wife is safe with me. She asked for him many times wanting to know when he was coming back. I would tell her and ten minutes later she would ask me again. Then she apologized for asking the same thing over and over. I told her it was okay I ask the same things over and over also.
She isn't eating anymore only drinking water. Each week I expect to get a call saying she is no longer with us. But she keeps hanging in there even though she doesn't want to live anymore.
She is waiting for her angels but her time hasn't come yet.
I won't be sitting with her anymore because Suzanne will now be able to take the weekly visits with her. I hope her time comes quickly and her husband can continue on without her.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Ms A
July 6, 2010
Finally I was assigned to my first patient after months of waiting. I was so excited last night that I couldn't go to sleep...couldn't stay asleep and couldn't wait for the alarm to go off. I got up 15 minutes before the alarm went off, took my shower got dressed and had a cup of coffee. I headed out the door not knowing how long it would take me to get where I was going so I left early. It was pouring down rain and I wasn't used to driving so early in the morning. I arrived at the house 1/2 hour early so I drove the street and parked. I pulled out my papers and reread everything I needed to know about my new patient. I called her husband and asked if I could come over early. I thought I would be nervous but I wasn't, I was excited to try to help someone have a happy day.
Ms A's husband greeted me at the door with a hearty handshake, thanking me for coming. He was a well dressed man not looking 80+ years old. He was very talkative and pleasant. The house was dated stuck in the 80's with the walls decorated in Home Interior's decor. The carpet was mauve and the furniture a mixture of blues, a piano covered with family photos. The room was a cross between home and hospital. There were signs all around showing that someone in the house had special needs for their care. He walked me through the house showing me the things I needed to know about. I was to give Ms A a pill at 10:00 am and help her out of bed and to the bathroom.
Ms A was a fragile lady no more than 90lbs. Her husband very tall and towered over her but there was a gentleness about his touch that spoke if his love for her. He took me in her room where she laid in bed from the night before. I introduced myself and touched her hand so she knew my voice. She was a little bewildered at first as one would be after being awaken to a stranger in your room. Her husband and I went back to the living room to talk as we listened for her on a baby monitor. He told me a little about their family. They have a son who lives in the basement with them now and was sleeping. I was glad he mentioned that to me because I would have freaked out if he had wandered up from the basement! They also had a daughter that died a few years ago from complications of diabetes. It must be really hard to bury a child. They also have one grandson and one granddaughter. I just listened to him talk for awhile, I felt like he needed to. He has no one to help him. He spoke of losing her, her passing, and making funeral plans. He knows that the time is near but I know he will be lost without her. He spoke of losing his father in law and his brother and how you think you are ready but you never are. I had an urge to hug him but did not.
I heard Ms A on the baby monitor. He went to check on her and she was ready to get up for the day. He helped her to the restroom and then carefully took her to her recliner. He had a pillow for her head and slowly raised the footrest so it wouldn't pop up to quickly and jar her. He then covered her with a blanket and made sure she had water to drink. You could see the love in his eyes. Her eyes were hidden behind dark glasses because she has a sensitivity to light. If I could have seen them I was sure her eyes reflected the same love for her.
I pulled my chair close to her recliner so she could hear me and see me. I asked them to tell me how they met. Ms A remained silent while her husband told me they met and business school. They were in a typing class together and he sat next to her. He noticed her name typed on her paper. The next class he made sure he was next to her again, this time he offered her his typewriter because it was better than hers. He was the only male in the class but she was the only woman for him! They married when she was 19 and have been together ever since. He was in the Army and spent part of his service in Korea while she stayed home and lived with her parents. They had a son and daughter 2 years apart. Their daughter became diabetic at an early age. Ms A helped to raise her grandson because her daughter was on routine treatments for many years. He just graduated from college and will marry this fall. Her granddaughter lives in California and has a 3 year old special needs child. I would have loved to hear more of her life story but she seemed to tired to talk. I sat with her for an hour after her husband left. I asked Ms A to tell me about herself but she said she would rather listen to me. I talked for awhile but I felt like maybe she needed to rest. We are told to learn to LISTEN this is their time to tell their story. It didn't work that way.
I noticed the TV stand was really dusty so I got a rag and wiped it down for them. Such a little thing to do. I felt helpless to do anything grand for them. I was just there...there to give her husband a little time with his co-worker. They have been having breakfast together for 25 yrs. He was able to get away for a little while knowing that his wife was safe...I guess that was all I could do for them today.
I stayed until her husband returned at 11:30. I was ready to go but reluctent also. I would never see Ms A again. I took her hand and thanked her for letting me spend the day with her. I told her I really enjoyed meeting her. She in her soft spoken voice she also thanked me. I turned to her husband resisting the need to hug him, I shook his hand and wished him the best.
Now she waits for the angels.....
Finally I was assigned to my first patient after months of waiting. I was so excited last night that I couldn't go to sleep...couldn't stay asleep and couldn't wait for the alarm to go off. I got up 15 minutes before the alarm went off, took my shower got dressed and had a cup of coffee. I headed out the door not knowing how long it would take me to get where I was going so I left early. It was pouring down rain and I wasn't used to driving so early in the morning. I arrived at the house 1/2 hour early so I drove the street and parked. I pulled out my papers and reread everything I needed to know about my new patient. I called her husband and asked if I could come over early. I thought I would be nervous but I wasn't, I was excited to try to help someone have a happy day.
Ms A's husband greeted me at the door with a hearty handshake, thanking me for coming. He was a well dressed man not looking 80+ years old. He was very talkative and pleasant. The house was dated stuck in the 80's with the walls decorated in Home Interior's decor. The carpet was mauve and the furniture a mixture of blues, a piano covered with family photos. The room was a cross between home and hospital. There were signs all around showing that someone in the house had special needs for their care. He walked me through the house showing me the things I needed to know about. I was to give Ms A a pill at 10:00 am and help her out of bed and to the bathroom.
Ms A was a fragile lady no more than 90lbs. Her husband very tall and towered over her but there was a gentleness about his touch that spoke if his love for her. He took me in her room where she laid in bed from the night before. I introduced myself and touched her hand so she knew my voice. She was a little bewildered at first as one would be after being awaken to a stranger in your room. Her husband and I went back to the living room to talk as we listened for her on a baby monitor. He told me a little about their family. They have a son who lives in the basement with them now and was sleeping. I was glad he mentioned that to me because I would have freaked out if he had wandered up from the basement! They also had a daughter that died a few years ago from complications of diabetes. It must be really hard to bury a child. They also have one grandson and one granddaughter. I just listened to him talk for awhile, I felt like he needed to. He has no one to help him. He spoke of losing her, her passing, and making funeral plans. He knows that the time is near but I know he will be lost without her. He spoke of losing his father in law and his brother and how you think you are ready but you never are. I had an urge to hug him but did not.
I heard Ms A on the baby monitor. He went to check on her and she was ready to get up for the day. He helped her to the restroom and then carefully took her to her recliner. He had a pillow for her head and slowly raised the footrest so it wouldn't pop up to quickly and jar her. He then covered her with a blanket and made sure she had water to drink. You could see the love in his eyes. Her eyes were hidden behind dark glasses because she has a sensitivity to light. If I could have seen them I was sure her eyes reflected the same love for her.
I pulled my chair close to her recliner so she could hear me and see me. I asked them to tell me how they met. Ms A remained silent while her husband told me they met and business school. They were in a typing class together and he sat next to her. He noticed her name typed on her paper. The next class he made sure he was next to her again, this time he offered her his typewriter because it was better than hers. He was the only male in the class but she was the only woman for him! They married when she was 19 and have been together ever since. He was in the Army and spent part of his service in Korea while she stayed home and lived with her parents. They had a son and daughter 2 years apart. Their daughter became diabetic at an early age. Ms A helped to raise her grandson because her daughter was on routine treatments for many years. He just graduated from college and will marry this fall. Her granddaughter lives in California and has a 3 year old special needs child. I would have loved to hear more of her life story but she seemed to tired to talk. I sat with her for an hour after her husband left. I asked Ms A to tell me about herself but she said she would rather listen to me. I talked for awhile but I felt like maybe she needed to rest. We are told to learn to LISTEN this is their time to tell their story. It didn't work that way.
I noticed the TV stand was really dusty so I got a rag and wiped it down for them. Such a little thing to do. I felt helpless to do anything grand for them. I was just there...there to give her husband a little time with his co-worker. They have been having breakfast together for 25 yrs. He was able to get away for a little while knowing that his wife was safe...I guess that was all I could do for them today.
I stayed until her husband returned at 11:30. I was ready to go but reluctent also. I would never see Ms A again. I took her hand and thanked her for letting me spend the day with her. I told her I really enjoyed meeting her. She in her soft spoken voice she also thanked me. I turned to her husband resisting the need to hug him, I shook his hand and wished him the best.
Now she waits for the angels.....
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